Answered Questions
Jazz's office isn't that hard to find. Just find the one that the hip tunes are drifting from. The notice must of been gotten because the doors slide open just as she steps up. "Com'n in, Shiftlock." There's a desk, but it's officialness is kind of set off by the fact that Jazz is sitting at it with his feet up on top of said desk to lean back in the chair. It's also a lot more decorated than most, with posters of everything from classic Earth bands to intergalactic ragnarock'n'rollers plastered across the walls. Definitely Jazz's office. She's never going to get to use to that: people that have possessions. Old programming dies hard, and so she spends a few moments just staring at everything around her with a sort of wide-eyed awe you'd expect from a protoform that just came online. She remembers her manners, however, and stops staring, looking for a seat in the office, her body language giving away a sudden, almost painful shyness that is a marked departure from her usual radio banter and combat stance. You can almost *see* that she feels about ten times smaller than she is. "Thanks for seeing me," she says quietly. It's not something that Jazz hasn't seen before. Having a big reputation can do that to some people. But you'd never guess it by the casual way he lowers his feet and sits up. "Would be a shame to not to." He jesters at the chair next to the desk. "So why don't ya just sit your sweet chassis down and lay on me what's buggin' you." Shift would have spit take if she was drinking something. Not used to a lot of compliments either. She sits down and rests her hands in her lap, unable to bring herself to eye contact with Jazz. "Well, there's several things. I suppose I should just make some kind of list, but one might be immediately obvious," she begins. "I... I can't believe anyone in Crystal City, after last night, after Scorponok killed so many people... I can't believe they'd just ... *side with the Decepticons*." It was a soul-crushing moment for the recruit. "S'what I thought." There is a faint shift, not in demeanor, but the look behind that visor flickers faintly, becoming more like that of someone who's had the experience of this war for such a long time. "Yeah, that was quite a thing. But... can't say I blame some of 'em, either." He leaned forward to rest on the desk, templing his fingers together. "Things seem so hopeless that a deal with the devil was the only way. Maximus didn't like.. agreeing to Zarak's terms, but he did it to save the remaining lives. Prehaps they felt the same way." Shiftlock will not admit it openly, but a small portion of her agreement with the Sentinels to feel out the Autobots - and her own personal desire to join them - was based on the same sort of sacrifice. The words strike her hard, and bring up a font of guilt, understanding, and clarity. A deal with the devil. Impactor's face flashes into her processes like an inner demon. Her right hand tightens reflexively, angry that they could give up so fast, sell themselves out so fast, when she, a nothing, someone they despised, fought so hard for their well being... ... And then she remembers that the very reason she wanted to be a Sentinel, and an Autobot, was because she wanted to protect those that didn't have the same kind of strength she had. The moment of tenseness fades from her body, and her hand relaxes. She's quiet for a few minutes before speaking again. "I guess the rest of it falls on the fact that I feel like an outsider that no one wants around... just like being an Empty again, before the Decepticons took over. I want to know what it means to be an Autobot, but no one seems to be able to give me a straight answer. I'm supposed to know all this military protocol, who to kiss up to and why, and I don't - and I'm gettin' my tires rubbed in it for my ignorance." Jazz nods his head as he listens. Really listening, not just going through the motions and then tell her to get back to work. There is a faint bit of a smirk behind his steeped fingers though. But he lets her finish before he finally lowers his hands. "I think I see what part of your problem is, gal. You're lookin' for something you can't just find like that..." Then Jazz leans over the desk to raise one hand, one finger, and tap it to the center of the femme's chest. "Because you already have. You're here to stand up and fight for what you believe is right, no? That's all any of us are here for." Then he shifted back a bit, settling on just resting on his arms at the edge of the desk. "Don't let Magnus and Impactor get on yer wires with their protocol and hard knocks, it's what they do. Toughin' Bots up. Without organization, we'd be worse off than you Sentinels had been... But the Autobots ain't a 'hard to the core' military. Never been, never will be." She sighs and nods, meditating on what Jazz has to say, rolling it through her processor and fitting it into the empty spaces of questions unanswered. The weight of the matter is enough that she doesn't react to being tapped on the chestplates, which is usually something that would get some kind of reaction. Especially considering who's doing the tapping. "Then... I guess the last thing is something I may never get an answer to, circumstances being what they are," Shiftlock says quietly. "I don't know why I was made. I don't know how to find my way through life if I don't even know why I exist." "Pfff. Nah, that's easy," Jazz replies as he pushes himself up from the desk, only to drop back down into his chair and resume his previous posture of leaning back to put his feet up on the desktop, one crossed over the other. "It's not what you're made to be, it's what *you* make yourself to be." He half shrugs as he spreads his arms to the sides. "Was I made to be a spy? Certainly not. Yet look at me now. Why? Because I *did*. And kept doing. Until I got it down as smooth as the casing on a protoform's capsule." That brings a real and genuine smile to Shiftlock's face. At last, some ANSWERS that are not 'shut up and stop whining about your life'. She didn't realize that there were others that didn't follow their function in precision; she'd always assumed it was hard set, inescapable - golden chains that would forever tie one to their intended design. "Well," she adds, demeanor growing more confident and at ease, "I'd at least like to find out why I was marked defective and thrown into a smelter." Jazz chuckles a bit. "Doesn't seem like it would be too important, but I can understand the want to know where one came from, as down on skid row as it may seem. But not really sure I gotta answer for that one, other than if ya really wanna find out, keep lookin'. Eventually somethin' will turn up for ya." Then folds his hands behind his helm as he leans the chair back again. "Optimus woulda liked you. Ya got spunk, but your willing to find and learn your place too. Playin' for the team even when some of 'em are nippin' at your heels." "I would have liked to have known Optimus," Shiftlock replies with a certain tinge of regret and reverence in her tone. "Being around Tailgate recently has made me aware that there's code in me I didn't know I had." She places a hand on her chest, as if over her 'heart'. "I want to protect others. I think that might have been what I was designed for - protection. If anyone knew how to protect others... it was Optimus." "Well, you're off to a good start. Even if that stubborn ol' tank says otherwise. He says that 'bout pretty much everyone." Finally getting up from the chair, Jazz walks around the desk to put a hand on the femme's shoulder. "Look, I know what happened was a harsh blow, but ya can't let it get ya down. You can't win every battle, setbacks happen. The best you can do is take what you can learn from what did happen, and forge ahead to try and keep the same thing from happening again." "... Maybe I should just remind myself that I can't protect everything, and that sometimes... things are just outside my control," Shiftlock sighs. She looks up at Jazz. "Thank you. I'm glad you were willing to talk to me. It helped." Jazz's visor gives a solemn flicker for a brief moment. "It can be a hard lesson to learn." But the moment doesn't last very long. "Anytime, anytime. Sometimes ya just need a shoulder to lean on and an audial to listen when times are tough. Glad I could help ya at least try to sort it out." "One of these days, though... we need to race," Shiftlock grins. Oh that is just not going away. That's on the bucket list. Jazz leans back on the desk with a laugh. There's that spunk again. "You've got it."